--8:00 A.M.:  Wake up from horrible dream that Blue Ivy started to look like Jay-Z.

--8:15 A.M.:  Sing in the shower.  Okay, move-lips-to-pre-recorded-track . . . in the shower. 

--9:40 A.M.:  Give another interview telling girls to be themselves.  Then straighten "blonde" hair. 

--10:00 A.M.:  Remind Jay-Z that he's 43 and it might be time to stop calling himself, "Jay-Z."

 --10:40 A.M.:  Press conference.  Move my mouth while a pre-recorded track makes a heartfelt apology for lip-synching at the inauguration. 

--11:00 A.M.:  Get a preview of the upcoming Destiny's Child reunion, when I walk into Starbucks and order a latte from Kelly and Michelle.

--12:00 P.M.:  Lunch.  Order a hamburger.  Like it.  Put an onion ring on it. 

--12:45 P.M.:  Spend more money on a rattle for Blue Ivy than you'll spend on your kid in a lifetime.

-1:20 P.M.:  Practice acting skills by telling husband how attractive he is.

 --1:40 P.M.:  Hold baby, for exactly 2 minutes before passing her off to another nanny. 

--2:00 P.M.:  Wonder why my baby won't fall asleep, as I turn a simple lullaby into an overly emotive, soaring 40-minute solo. 

--3:30 P.M.:  Renew driver's license.  Change ethnicity to "Beige."

--6:00 P.M.:  Quiet family dinner with Blue Ivy, Jay, and the five dudes who constantly follow him around, shouting, "Yeah!  Come on!  Throw your hands up!"

--9:00 P.M.:  Wonder why Jay-Z isn't home yet.  Oh, what's to worry about?  It's not like he's a former pimp and drug dealer. 

--10:25 P.M.:  Prepare for Super Bowl halftime show by making sure my shirt can't be ripped off.